Having Only You
by Aerilon452
Summary: john takes Helen to Northern Mongolia to give him peace of mind. Please Read and Review


Summary: John takes Helen to Northern Mongolia.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of sanctuary or the characters.

Rating: M

Pairing: Helen and John.

**HAVING ONLY YOU:**

The normalcy of life was finally restored. Helen was sitting at her desk not working, but staring out the window. No matter how calm things seemed she was just waiting for yet another crisis to erupt and shake the foundations of her life once again. In truth, she was waiting for it. She wanted it. Sitting still just wasn't her cup of tea. Everything was in order in her house leaving Magnus with nothing to do except to sit. As if on cue John teleported into her office, breezing into her life like he always did, and that brought a light smile to her face. "Hello John."

"Helen," John drew out her name. He had just come back from Mongolia; the site of the keystone chamber. It wasn't anything important but he had needed to be there to feel the sense of self he had been when they had been there. Helen had made him feel so calm after their tumble and utter disappointment. Then they had sat together watching the sunset just like it had been old times. John never thought he would hear what Helen had asked ever again. She had asked him to take her to London. That one question thrilled him more than anything.

She turned to him trying not to see the sly smile gracing his lips. Helen had to resist the urge to lick her own lips to quell the need to kiss him. Lately John had been creeping into her thoughts and not in a bad way. When she least expected it her mind would conjure his face as he had been at school or how he had been in Mongolia or the look he had had in her office when she told Tesla that he had to stay. "Are you alright?"

"I feel better than ever." John answered walking around her desk to stand in front of Helen. Lately he had been feeling the lingering effects of all the drugs he took in Cambodia. Those drugs had allowed him a false peace. Helen offered salvation just by being near. Holding out his hand to her John asked, "Would you come with me?"

Helen felt like she had the first time John asked her to dinner. On that night John had held out his hand to her asking to take her out to an evening meal. Helen had smiled so much that night just as she couldn't help smile now. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest. Her mind was going blank. All there was to her was John. Reaching out she took his hand feeling a jolt course through her skin. The only sign she could find that John felt it was in the way he closed his eyes. "Where are you taking me?" she asked a whisper.

John closed his fingers over Helen's hand feeling the shock of electricity speed through his nerves and register in his mind. She always had the ability to shock his senses. But it was this innocent touch that had his brain reeling. Her hand was so warm in his, so alive. He hated to think that just a few days ago she died. John summoned his power taking them far from her world, her sanctuary, and back to Northern Mongolia where if for a moment they could be two people still in love.

Helen didn't know when she closed her eyes, but when she opened them she was standing in Northern Mongolia. If she turned Helen knew that there would be the same rock upon which she and John sat, where she looked into his eyes and saw the man she had loved so long ago and still loved so much. Why had he brought them here? Did she really want to know? Letting out a slow breath Helen decided to just go with it. This was John after all. He wouldn't hurt her; that much she knew. That much she hoped for.

John took his hand out of Helen's choosing instead to slip both of his arms around her waist bringing her in close to his body. He just needed to hold her, to feel her close, and to know that she wasn't a mirage. For so long he had been in the dark, been so lost that nothing made sense. That was until Helen had pulled him into the light for a time. She had loved him, had trusted him. Then the darkness came again ripping away the only woman he loved. Now he had a chance to make things right. "I just want to hold you like this for a few minutes," John sighed feeling his soul stabilize.

"If that's what you need," Gently she draped her arms over his shoulders. Even though John needed her close, Helen did as well. She had never lost her hunger for him; it was only dangerous to keep him so close. Distantly Helen was amazed that she and John could still breathe together. It was like they had never been separated. "Tell me what's the matter?"

"Nothing," John tightened his arms for a second and then loosened them. "I just needed to hold you, to feel that you're real." Lightly John kissed the top of her head. Helen didn't flinch or pull away. She only tightened her grip on him as he had done to her. Helen was his only link to the land of the living. If John didn't have her then the anger and rage festering in his heart and soul would overwhelm him. How could he keep her knowing the evil that he could inflict on her? John wanted so much to be close to her for just one day.

"I'm real John, so very real." Helen could barely keep her voice steady. So many emotions were coming back to her, so much love. It was a love that she shouldn't want to feel for him. In the end she always did. "What is it you need from me?" She asked pulling back slightly to see his eyes.

"I need you and only you." John answered feeling defeated. He was tired of feeling nothing, of being numb on the inside to everything but anger. There was never anything to compare with the feelings Helen invoked in him. It was those very feelings he wished to have again. Gently John placed his hands on her hips and leaned in to kiss her. He would have thought she would pull away, but she leaned into him with her arms tightening around him.

Helen should pull away, she knew she should, but John felt too good in her arms; too right. He had a way of making her feel so much at times that she thought her body would incinerate. Everything felt just right. There was no outside world. It was just Helen and John. This kiss had the same depth as the very first time. She could stay here forever.

John felt alive. All was right with his world for the time being. Keeping his hands on her, his lips to hers John guided her back to where there were scattered blankets lying on the ground. Originally he had meant for them to just sit and wait for the sun to set but John had kissed her in the moment and started something between them again. He would go slow and be easy giving Helen the chance to pull away, to fight their bond; he would not push her into something she was not ready for. John wasn't sure he was ready for this either. So many years pent apart now to be back where it all began. Deep down they needed the connection brought back to life to mend some of the pain, some of the hurt.

A little common sense trickled through in her desire addled brain. This man was responsible for destroying her heart, her world. Why was she with him? Why was she still in love with him? Simple; because he was John and her love for him was not dead. Even as the answer was obvious she had to stop. Pulling away from him Helen asked, "What are we getting into? What are we about to start?" Helen turned her back on him. The look in his eyes said too much; too much that her heart wanted to believe.

"We are two people in pain, in love, and lost in anger." John answered once again wrapping his arms around Helen's waist. "I believe we need this to be whole again." He exhaled kissing the edge of her ear.

Helen thought for a moment. Just then all she saw was John and felt him around her; he was all she wanted. John was right, they were in pain. They had so much that at times it killed her inside. If there was a chance she could purge even a small amount of that pain and anger in John's arms Helen would take it. Turning back to him Helen placed her lips against his as she pushed his leather trench coat off his shoulders and down his arms to pool on the ground. Slowly she set about the task of undoing the buttons of his shirt. Helen needed to feel his skin.

John followed Helen's cue setting his fingers to unbuttoning her shirt as well. He was happy she had not pulled away, not asked to be taken home. When his fingers skimmed the flesh of her stomach he felt her jump. Helen had always been a little ticklish. He pulled her hands from his shirt so he could take hers off. If he didn't stop kissing her soon he would pass out from lack of oxygen. Discarding her shirt John took his lips from hers gulping down the air he hadn't missed but needed.

Helen dropped her arms feeling her shirt fall away. Her head was spinning from lack of air and the heady flavor of darkness she always tasted from John. He once again placed his hands on her hips, fingers running back and forth on her skin, as she undid the last button on her shirt so she could push it down his arms like she had done with his jacket. John was pale and perfect, his skin gleaming like alabaster in the day light. Running her hands up his sides Helen did what he had done to her; tickled him slightly. But that was not all she was going to do to him. Angling her head she gave him a quick kiss; a subtle brush of lips before leaning down to kiss the right spot above his heart where she would feel the beat.

John sucked in a breath at the feeling of Helen's lips on his skin. He had never truly forgotten that feeling, but over the years the memory of it had dimmed considerably. Now having her touch his skin sent strong shocks of electricity over his skin. Pulling her closer John tangled his hands on her dark mane of hair. He needed to keep her close. John was so enraptured by the feeling of her soft flesh against him that he nearly missed the feather light touch of her fingers against the waist band of his pants.

Helen was lost in everything, lost in the feeling of John, and lost in the remoteness of Northern Mongolia. She couldn't believe that she was here with him, with a killer, with a man who still held claim to her heart. John was right; they needed this to heal each other. They were in pain. Taking her hands from his chest she slid them slowly down his abdomen and worked on the button of his pants. She had managed to release the button when John's hands captured her wrists playfully putting them behind her back. Looking into his eyes Helen smiled a wry smile beckoning him to continue to play with her.

John released Helen's hands. Skimming his fingers up her back he encountered the back clasp of her bra. Deftly he released the clasp and removed her bra sending it to the ground with her discarded shirt. If he had been any less of a gentlemen John would have stared at Helen. She was still very much the beautiful creature she had been when they first met, but he knew she hated to be stared at. Once again resuming her gaze John sharply tugged at the button of her pants only opening it as far as his own pants had been opened. There would be time for more. Right now he wanted to claim her lips again. Following through on that thought John leaned into Helen kissing her, adding heat, adding passion.

Helen smiled into the kiss and melted at the same time. She hadn't realized how much she needed this until John brought her out here and pulled her into his arms. Sometimes they were night and day, oil and water, but they needed each other and the love that still burned in their hearts. He had been her everything, and if fate permitted he would be again. Maybe this was the starting point, just another road they had to travel in order to once again be whole. Helen had so many thoughts in her head, but the cut off when John started t lower the zipper of her pants. Not wanting to be less clothed than him she set her hands back to his pants lowering his zipper in return.

John slipped his hands down inside the side of Helen's pants skimming the flesh of her thighs with his fingers. Running his hands back up he racked his short nails over her skin causing Helen to shiver in his arms. John knew full well the effect he had on her and he would use it just as she would use hers to over stimulate his mind and his body.

Helen moved back from John so she could recline on the scattered blankets. What was to come was probably not the use John originally had intended them for. Reclining back Helen held out her arms inviting John into them. He smiled at her instead reaching for her left ankle where he pulled off her boot, and then repeated the same action. Helen just watched in awe. Gone was the killer and standing before her was John. She loved watching him move with such a fluid grace that should be reserved for the feline species. He toed of his custom made Italian shoes before kneeling down before her. His hands slid over her ankles, up her legs, caressed her knees, and up her thighs as he slowly leaned back down into her. Helen put her hands on his shoulders drawing him closer, drawing him down.

John let himself be enveloped in Helen's arms once again. Having Helen against him, the sun on his back, he felt so warm. He didn't want that to end. John grinned angling his head so his lips could rove over the side of her neck, tease her pulse point, taste her shoulder. In his arms Helen gasped arching her back. He knew all of her sensual spots.

Helen brought her knees up against John's waist, cradling him between her legs, keeping him close. It had been so long since they had been together she wondered if her body would still recall the feel of him against her, in her. Then she felt John breathe in against in and a spark of deep desire raced through her blood igniting the passion between them. She hadn't forgotten, only buried the sensory memory of it all. John was still her one true addiction. He burned through her body, burned through her mind bringing her body to new levels. She felt his hands then at her hips, griping the fabric of her pants pulling them down over her hips exposing more of her flesh. Helen made me body work, made her hands fist in the fabric of his slacks so she could slide them down off his hips just as he was doing to her.

If John died today then he would perish a happy man with the feeling of Helen's hands once again on his body. Rising away from her, from her warmth, John urged her to arch her back all the while keeping his eyes locked with hers. In her gaze he could see the depth of her pleasure. He was sure the same was reflected in his eyes. Slowly his hands drew down the fabric of her pants all the way to her knees. He had to move back to take the garment from the rest of her body. Seeing her now, the sun gleaming over her pale flesh made John hunger for her all the more. John was about to lie back down against her when Helen came to him. She rose to her knees, urging him to stand. Gaining his feet John stood tall, towering over his lover waiting for her.

Helen didn't want to be naked alone, she wanted John nude and against her, warming her. She had been cold for so long. She needed his heat. Grasping the waist band of his pants Helen watched his eyes as she slowly pulled the fabric of his pants down his hips, over his thighs, and down to his ankles. Helen couldn't help the small sly smile that graced her lips. Being an imp she leaned into him and kissed a small scar above the base of his manhood that they only knew was there. Helen felt him shudder under her lips as his hands went to her hair, long fingers tangling in her dark locks. She felt John sinking back down to his knees. Moments later his lips were locking with hers, his tongue tracing the seam of her lips begging for entrance into her mouth. She opened for him, drew his taste into her mouth once again, having his tongue dance with hers. John had always tasted of a thunderstorm.

John kissed her back down to the ground settling his body beside her. There would never be sating his hunger enough for this woman. She was the air he breathed, the beat of his heart. John needed her for his survival. Taking his left hand John teased the inside of Helen's thigh making her moan. He wanted her heated, hungry for him. John needed her passion to fuel him, to sate him. He was hers for all eternity. At the same time he kissed her John inserted his index finger into her velvety depths. Her back arched with a moan escaping between their joined lips.

Helen brought her right knee up, giving John a better angle in which to drive her crazy. He knew how to touch her, to tease, and to bring about the fire in her blood. In and out his fingers glided drawing her passion higher, burning her body. She needed him to take her, to stake his claim over her again. Again, this was what she had been missing, John's touch, his kiss, his body molding, mating with hers. Helen needed John buried deep within her before she lost her mind to all this intense pleasure.

John drank down Helen's cries of bliss as he worked in an out of her with his fingers. He needed her wet, slick enough that he wouldn't hurt her when he entered her. As it was he was rock hard and wanting to be once again joined to her body. Her arms slipped around his shoulders urging him to settle over her body, to warm her. John withdrew his fingers, giving in to the need, to the desire to see the ecstasy in her eyes as he slid deep inside her. Keeping his control tight around him John moved over Helen, moved between her parted thigh, "Look at me," John tried to breathe.

Helen fought to focus on his words, on his face, in the shear intensity of his eyes. John was settled between her thighs, keeping most of his weight levered on his forearms. He was hard and ready, she brought her knees up to rest against his hips waiting. She was dying for that first agonizing push of his flesh against her, into her. "John," she whimpered needing him desperately.

"Take me Helen," John growled nudging the heated, flushed head of his member into her heated depths. She was so tight, so wet. Her body could burn him alive. He could feel her muscles contracting around him. John was half way when he pulled out, only to slide slowly in again working her muscles to accept all of him.

Helen rose to meet him, draw her knees up higher, taking John deeper into her body. She was starved for him, so hungry for his body, and now she had it. He worked in and out of her as she gripped him, drove him as crazy as he was driving her. The friction they caused was pure, liquid insanity boiling inside her body ready for release. They thrust together, stroke for stroke, sweat breaking out on their bodies. Helen tightened her arms around Shoulder shoulders as she grazed her teeth over his color bone taking the taste of him back into her mouth. She needed as much as she could.

John took her hands from his shoulders and laced his fingers with hers giving him the added leverage to thrust into her faster, harder. He wanted to bringing about a blinding release that would leave them panting and struggling to draw in breath. John drew in and out in and out with Helen gasping and moaning. Her nails were biting into the backs of his hands. It wasn't pain, it was pleasure, pure and simple all added to the explosive release just out of reach for them.

Helen didn't have her hands, John was restraining her and that just made her hotter. With each thrust she felt the tight fist of her lust loosen just a little bit more. Soon she would be just one big bundle of feeling with John the only witness. He drove into hard, fast, each time barely a heart beat in between. She kissed his jaw line, ran her lips over his pulse point, and just as he drove into her again she sank her teeth in to the crook of his neck to stifle her loud pleasure filled cry.

At the feel of Helen's teeth in his flesh John reared foreword driving himself impossibly deep within Helen. He cried out, shouted to the heavens. He was close, so close to falling over the edge into euphoria. John was starting to lose rhythm; his thrust short and hard instead of long. Helen was doing her best to make him lose his mind as well. She would grip him, then release every time he drove into her.

Helen was almost there as was John. His control was waning. She wanted to push him over the edge. It was there; she clenched, released and felt the trigger release. Her body was in such a state that is toppled her over into euphoria with John riding the wave with her. She could feel him deep inside.

John surged foreword one last time as Helen came in his arms. She arched her back grinding her hips into his. Keeping his control enough John bit her as she had done to him, right on the crook of her neck. He felt himself release deep inside her, their breathing ragged and gasping, their heart raging in a thunderous beat. John tried to keep himself from falling on her. With her help he went to her side pulling her close, keeping her warmth to his skin even as he pulled a nearby blanket over them to keep the air off their already cooling bodies.

Helen felt so spent, so tired, so sated. She curled into John's side, resting her head on his chest as her arm draped over his waist. Never had he made love to her in such a vigorous manner, but she loved it. Her body had never been so well used before. She couldn't keep her eyes open. Helen wanted to sleep with John for as long as she could, for as long as she wouldn't be missed at her Sanctuary.

**SUNSET:**

Helen had woken with the setting sun with John still blissfully unconscious. She had time to think about what all this, her sleeping with him, making love with him, again would mean. Could she put the hungry love starved beast back in its cage once he left again? She wrapped the blanket around her body going over to sit on the same boulder they had occupied on their last visit. They time they were here; they had actually acted like two human beings and not the angry immortals they showed everyone else. Helen marveled at how easy it was to smile at him again here in this place. She scooted back on the boulder and drew her knees up against her chest just thinking about everything, remembering the feel of John all around her again. Her body and her heart tightened in response to just the memories alone.

John woke with a breath of air dancing over his bear chest. Helen wasn't at is side like he thought she would be. He sat up resting his arms on his bent knees. There was no way she had left him here all alone. She couldn't get back without him. Maybe she had gone off to concoct reasons as to why this was a bad idea, why they shouldn't do this again. John reached for his pants so he could go in search of his woman. He wanted to reassure her that… he couldn't think of a good reason. In his mind they hadn't done anything wrong. They were two people still in love, still in lust with each other who renewed the passion and let the pyre of desire burn again. What was he going to do? He shook his head as he spotted her with her knees drawn up to her chest sitting on the same boulder as last time. A small pang of guilt tore at his heart at realizing she must regret making love with him again. John sat down next to her with his back straight and his hands braced on his knees.

Helen saw him coming towards her. Something had changed in him. Maybe the reality of what they had done sank into his brain and he regretted it. She thought she had upon waking but something that felt that great couldn't be wrong. The fact that he had been the Ripper didn't enter into her mind this time. It didn't matter about his past, their past. Today was a new day and she wanted to have it with John again. He was still the right man or her. John still fit to her body, was still the perfect match, even the way he had bitten her still had the power to make her blood boil. He sat down next to her and she couldn't not touch him. She reached out and too his left hand in her right without looking at him. Then she began to speak. She hadn't meant to give voice to what was on her mind, but she spoke anyway. "When I found out you were the Ripper, I cried for a week. Not because you had killed, not because you betrayed us, not because something was happening to you that I couldn't cure. I cried because I would never again have your body against mine, have you hold me in the night when my mind grew to ravenous for knowledge and would not shut down. I was in despair because I'd lost the connection of you flesh, of you heart, of your love."

John felt his heart tighten at her words. He had never once given her a second thought throughout those first torturous years of blood and death. All he had felt was rage at her for shooting him. But as time progressed John had felt the overwhelming pain at the loss of her, of her skin, of her kiss. John never wanted to have that energy elemental in his body, it had destroyed his world, destroyed his woman. For that alone John could never make it up to Helen. "I suffered at the loss of you as well, but I was too angry to realize it." He took his hand from hers and wrapped them around her body resting his cheek against the top of her head. John never wanted to hurt her again, but he knew he would because it was all the beast inside him knew; pain rage, hate, and chaos. If his life had no other meaning he would use his skills to keep Helen safe. He couldn't protect her in Hollow Earth. He couldn't protect their daughter from the Cabal. John had failed Helen so many times that he was thankful she let him come around at all. "I will do whatever you want." John spoke knowing that he would.

Helen fought back tears, "I want your love John. I want your body. I want whatever you can give me for as long as you before you leave me." That was Helen's single greatest fear. John would leave her and never come back. Until now she hadn't realized how much she depended on seeing him in any state he was in. Just to be near him again was worth the pain she would feel later. She was Helen Magnus and he was her John Druitt. He had promised her Eternity and she would see that he made good on the promise. She didn't need it just for her, but it was something that John needed as well. John needed one good thing to hold on to, to keep him sane. Helen would make sure that that good thing was her. She couldn't give him her heart again, not yet, but her body was his to do with as he wanted.

"You can have anything you want," John promised. He vowed to her Eternity and he would deliver on that promise even if it killed him. With his arms around her John held Helen watching their second sunset in Northern Mongolia. This was more for Helen than it was for himself. She needed peace, needed anything he could give. And she had stated what she wanted. John would try like hell to give her what she wanted, but for now he could tell that all she wanted was to be held close


End file.
